NOTE TO EVERYONE!!!!

I am taking a much needed, much over due, Ma-Ma/Alek Break!!
I will not be turning on my computer until next weekend, maybe the 17th or 18th. I am pretty overwhelmed and fried right now.......
I am going into the 27th week without Randy and I have to admit its been the hardest during this past 24th, 25th, 26th week time period
I am going to turn off my mind from the screens in my life and focus on two things. One being with my child who will get my undivided attention and second I cannot believe I am saying this because it is WAY out of character for me, but I am going to focus on this second person that I have to get to know again and that is myself.........
I have lost a lot of who I am with burying my husband and I need to do some self exploring and figure out the meaning of my life besides mother and widow..........I have way more to give than just those to titles. Being a mother and really BEING a mother are two different things and I feel I need to refocus on what I do, how I feel, and how my little boy is seeing his mother. He knows I miss his father, but I need to stop consuming myself in things with no emotion in order to be avoidant like a computer screen........
With that being said, I have a lot to type about to thank some very special people in my life that have done some very special things for me, but I am going to put that off until after I get back from my break...........
Please check back on the 18th, I hope to not lose my readers with having this break with my child, but I owe it to him and dammit, I owe it to myself also............Gosh that was hard to type imagine I tried saying it!!!
When I return I will give everyone a timeline of how my little break started including the amazing day I had today with my Auntie Pam and Cousin Sara..........
Take time this week to sit on the floor and play with your child because I lost sight of doing things like that...........
I also very much miss simple things like holding my husbands hand, kissing him on the cheek, hugging him...........Simplicity people get beyond all the walls and defenses and do not make excuses for not doing the simple things.........In the end I am telling you right now it is those things you miss the most...........Just Touching someone you love a simple touch, How I wish I had that back...........
Enjoy your week and try to remember simplicity


"We will often find compensation if we think more of what life has given us and less about what life has taken away"

~ While grief is fresh, every attempt to divert only irritates. You must wait till it be digested, and then amusement will dissipate the remains of it. ~
Samuel Johnson

Alek's 2 Year Appt, Checks to Julie and Wendy.......

Alek had his well visit yesterday, which went very well. He is doing wonderful and was a very big Ham at the appt. Here we are waiting..


Alek waiting to get weighed.........Hands by his side like a big boy

HOLY COW BATMAN!!! 36.4 pounds 99th percentile............

Seeing how tall we are

Also 36.4 hehe inches this time (Dr. B, said he was a perfect square)...this is 91st percentile. Nothing small about this boy

Head was 50cm which was 83rd Percentile........

Waiting for the doc.........

Being a big brave boy, NO SHOTS thank God

Im out of here Ma-Ma, going to get my sticker



Good Job buddy, mommy is blessed you are so healthy and doing so well!!

Alek wearing his Nah-Nah's slippers that she left here when she was living with me earlier in the year. Alek would run and get them for her when she got here everyday, so sweet!!

Loves his new toys.......

Yesterday I brought Wendy and Julie the checks from the walk. Each woman received $1,219!! Thanks to all the support at the walk...........

This was a very difficult thing for me to do, but yet rewarding. My Uncle John and Aunt Pam went with me for support, which I greatly appreciated. Both woman were so honored. I understand how much medical expenses can cost and I am so happy I could help them out with this donation to them. I am doing this all for Randy and his idea of Paying Ir Forward. He wanted so bad and we had so many conversations on how we wanted to do things for others due to all the help we received. I hope I am making him proud..........

Julie, Alek, her pup, and I...............

Wendy and I (Alek was in the van sleeping, Aunt Pam stayed with him).........

These two woman are fighters and I pray for them each day. I am sure with all of the support of each person that came to our walk and the walks all over the country the Scleroderma world is going to find answers to this disease...........I know if my husband has any thing to do with it from heaven he will be making that happen as soon as it can...........

~ We must accept finite disappointment, but we must never lose infinite hope. ~
Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Hard at work and Birthday Day Celebration...........

Hard at work Monday on Ma-Ma's day off.......We got black dirt and I got a crew of my kiddos together to help me do some yard work.........They worked very hard!!

My Rock picking crew, Alek an Keegan. No joke they worked their tails off. As a matter of fact my 2 year old said to me, my back is cranked, which I am sure he has heard me say, but still TOO funny.....

Well some of them did, this one is lazy These ones are not, Ryan, Dennon, and Ben...Thanks boys it means a lot and hey NO hot dates with your earnings.........

My boy on the ferry boat

John, Aimee and Sara spent the day with us going to Echo an a fun family center over in Burlington........Aimee and John got Alek a turtle balloon, which is so sweet. John got a Mickey one!!

Water station at Echo

Alek trying to explain to Johnny that he has no idea what tractors he is talking about......

Too Funny......

Watching the turtle

Alek and I having a moment with the turtle........Thanks Aimee

Froggy Station

Playing with the bell

Sitting in the boat............

Playing with the Cow

Shi Shi and Alek watching the turtles............So sweet

Not sure what they are doing??

At the Fossil center
At the fun center.......

Riding the snow mobile

Riding the school bus

My big Birthday boy in the Birthay chair.........Still smiling even though he just smashed his finger in the bathroom door.........Which would be my faultWhen this is happening on the way home..........

THIS IS THE ANSWER, CHOCOLATE COFFEE ALMOND YOGURT..........YUM YUM!!

Cookie Dough for Sara..........

PERFECT DAY, WITH PERFECT COMPANY!! Only the most amazing friends and people put in for vacation days that are going to be difficult yet meaningful for someone else..........

That is my friend Amiee, but in for all those special yet difficult days for Alek and I!!

Sara well she is our side kick and a HUGE, AMAZING HELP!! The boys love her

Thank you guys so much

PLEASE VIEW THIS VIDEO FIRST, THEN SCROLL DOWN PAST THE BIRTHDAY POST TITLED BIRTHDAY PARTY AND 4TH OF JULY FOR TONIGHTS POST!!!

Okay at the end he gets a bit mad because he is a little sick of the camera being in his face......

DO YOU THINK HE MAY BE MY FUTURE ROCK STAR??

YES I AM DRIVING, BUT I SWEAR I AM PAYING ATTENTION!!

I WANT TO WISH MY AMAZING, BLESSING OF A CHILD A HAPPY SECOND BIRTHDAY!!!! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH BUDDY!! PICTURES COMING SOON

Mum-Mum (Which he calls me lately), Loves you baby!!! We are going to have a special day for your 2nd Birthday............07/07/07 luckiest kid I know!!!

Birthday Party Day and the 4th of July

The pictures go from the end of the weekend to the beginning....Sorry they uploaded backwards. Alek was blessed with a beautiful day and being surrounded by beautiful amazing people at his Birthday Party. We are so thankful.......
This is after Alek's Party Sunday night he was playing with some of his new toys.

Alek got this amazing present from his Ga and I-Yah and lets say he handles the thing like a pro....It only goes 5 mph, but he whips it around like its nothing....I was a wreck, but laughing so hard at the same time, Just like his father!! and well I broke both arms AT THE SAME time on a four wheeler so I guess I was a bit dare devilish also.......

As Da-Da would say and said to my father the day he bought me a motorcycle jacket SAFETY FIRST!!!

The first look getting out of the van and seeing it. His reaction was priceless!!!

Two of my basketball buddies, Coach Converse and Coach Waters. I would like to send Coach Converse a shout out for manning the grill for us today, which I felt awful about but he truly enjoys doing it...So I left it alone!!!

"Post Woman" brought me this beautiful Sunflower......Which Lit up the Whole area!!

Amiee managing the fist fight over the lawn mower that blows bubbles, notice all their faces, it was a bit of a tug of war

Ga and Alek

My father wished this thing had blades his whole lawn would have been mowed

Ga, Alek, and John Andrew working on the box with his new tools, Cousin Dylan was watching the show

Working on the box

Loves this little gym bag with dumb bells, a timer, balls, gym card, locker key and lock....So much fun............He thinks it is so cool to have that!!

Alek opening his first basketball hoop from John Andrew, Aimee and John........It is so much fun break away rim and all.....Alyssa was reading the cards for me!!

Washing off after the mess below

Feeding Ga some frosting when Ma-Ma was OVER it, I am more of the cake part kind than the frosting.....

See how thrilled I look, this is after about 20 bites

Very Windy out

I (and his father) got Alek this bounce house for his Birthday...........

Ryan and Dennon playing baseball

The Crew

These two sweet girlies are my Co-Workers Daughters.......

Kayne's special cake which I will blogging in the future about the special woman (mother of the two girlies above) who did an amazing job with the cakes for Kayne and Alek and all the cupcakes for everyone else.....

We also had some very kind blog readers help us create this masterpiece for Alek and Kayne's Birthday each year, we just have to add a candle until they out grow doing the duel party thing of coarse.............I will be blogging about them in the future also........Notice turtles on Deigo for Alek and Dragon Flies on Dora for Kayne

Waiting for fireworks......

Play so well together

waving to all the Fire trucks..........Which when Alek is saying it, well his "t" are clearly "f" sounds right now, so you can just imagine what he was yelling at the top of his lungs for the 15 fire "f" ucks that went through the parade

Love him

Stealing a little girls Dora Chair that was Pink

Thanks Sara for allowing us to hang out with you guys and watch the parade with a bunch of wonderful families..........We had a great time!!

This was a great picture I got of the "Munson" Boys over the weekend at a party I attended and then found out it was actually somewhat for me. It was for all the "0" B-Days and I turned 3-0, so they included me in the crew of people it was very kind and I had a really nice time....Thanks you to the Dyer/Duquette Clan.........

I am going to be preparing a Thank you post that I would like to thank some people for things they have done for Alek and I over the last couple months, weeks, days......I hope to have that soon

We had a wonderful day today celebrating Alek's Birthday, I will have pics of that up soon. I also will be doing another video post soon too..........

I am really behind on posts that I wanted to have up by now. I started to prepare one with pics of something my AAU team did for me, but I have not yet finished it due to the fact I am going to get more pictures from some parents.........

I am sad tonight looking at 2 year old, knowing that Randy is missing this time with this amazing child and this child is missing this time with an amazing Father...........It just does not seem right.

The Coversation I woke up to this morning with my darling Son.....

Listen to this song if you have time, then Alek and my conversation this morning will make more sense.......Maybe??

Somewhere Over the Rainbow by Israel Kamakawiwo'ole LYRICS - Celebrity bloopers here

Mama, Mama......

Yes, Hunny

Mama, wake up

Hunny, Mama's is awake....Good Morning

Mama, Is Da-Da in my heart (as he sits up in "Our" bed)

(I finally raised my head, thinking what is he asking me that for) Yes, Hunny Da-Da is in your heart, why do you ask Hunny??

Yea, Mama, Da-Da is in my heart (as he grabs his belly, thinking that is his heart)

Hunny, did Da-Da visit you in your sleep (knowing he was unsure what a dream was) last night??

Yea Ma-Ma, Da-Da do (Meaning he did)

Wow, Baby what did you and Da-Da do?? (Thinking he will say Idano meaning I don't know)

Ma-ma........Me, Da-Da watch deer.

Really, Hunny you and Da-Da watch the deer.

Yea Ma-Ma, Da-Da watch the deer with me.......

That is great Hunny, I am so glad. What else do you and Da-Da do??

Ma-Ma...Da-Da shoot that deer.........

(OKAY YIKES, I say to myself, yet confirmation that my husband brought his son hunting with him in his dreams) REALLY, Hunny Da-Da shot the deer........

Yea Ma-Ma............Dada watch the deer with me, then he shoot that deer.....

Hunny I am so happy you and Da-Da spent that time together......

K Ma-Ma get up now, go to living room........

Love you baby...........

Love you Ma-Ma

The end

Alek has never heard any conversation around Randy hunting or shooting anything let alone anybody else. Confirmation my husband is making sure his son is aware of him and will know the person that he was and still is.......For me I am thrilled to know that my husband can hunt again, whether it is deer season or not here in our dreams it must be year around...........Hope it was a big one baby!!! Keep dreaming with us.......

Love You Infinity and you better be at that B-Day Party with us on Sunday for you 2 year old boy.........

How cannot I not love this amazing child.....I am so blessed

This was after Shi Shi babysat for him one day for me and she hurt her foot pretty bad running around with him.....He ruminated about it for 1/2 a day

Mom and Dad Munson took us out to dinner one night....

This is when I was trying to get his 103.8 viral temperature down this week. He was one sick little guy, I was trying to clean out his closet and he found the winter hats. Not good in the summer with a 103.8 temp, but regardless he is so sweet and still smiling even if he is sick.......
I literally turned around and this is how he ended up falling a sleep tonight

I'm, lucky in retrospect of how difficult my life has been and how difficult my future maybe, I'm still very lucky to have this little guy to spend my life with...........I'm still very sad and that is not getting easier or less intense, but I do smile because of this child and that is what matters, to keep smiling each day...........

HAPPY FIRST BIRTHDAY TO KAYNE ELIZABETH, A TIME TO REFLECT OVER HER FIRST YEAR!!!

Most recent to least, As you will be able to see.......

Kayne stop eating Alek's sand, hunny
Mama and Kayne by the pool

Cousins.........

Randy becoming a God Father for the first and only time........Kayne will know how proud he was someday.........RIPRED

She will be able to see pictures like this.........

The day after Kayne was born

The rest does not need captions, you can see for yourself that one year ago today this all happened.......

You can kill me for this, but I mean seriously you had her like the next day......

Amazing this was just one year ago.......HAPPY BIRTHDAY HUNNY!!! We love you a ton.........

Sunday will be a great day.......

A lot on my mind these days....

I have had some challenging things come up that I would love nothing more than to discuss with my husband, but instead I continue to turn to the people around me.

I apologize for my lack of blogging about my life right now, but I am really going through some transitioning at this point and it is difficult to blog about things that are unsettled.

I will be sharing one thing that will be happening in the fall very soon with you all and the rest will come as I settle into more decisions about my future.

As for now please continue to stay in touch and leave your comments.

I have not done Happy Birthdays in a really long time, but I do want to wish my niece Kayne a very Happy First Birthday 7/1....

Also my parents a very Happy Anniversary.....7/1

I am home with my little guy today 6/30 and tomorrow 7/1 due to a 103.8 temp. Poor buddy has a virus that is kicking his behind, but we have the fever down to around 100, so we are doing better. I am happy to be spending some time with him, he is so precious.......

I took this with my cellphone so it is not very good quality, but doesn't he just look so sick......Uhh his eyes were so glossy and well he had a very high temp. He was so good though, tried so hard to feel better.........

Love him so much, oh do notice my hair tie on his wrist, which has been there all day long. He loves to wear them, Right "Post Woman" at least today he only had one versus the 12 he came with the day before. Alek only was with "Post Woman" for a few hours today then I picked him up.........

........25 weeks, going into the 6th month, how is that possible?? Alek and I miss you and love you infinity.....I hope you see that and know that!!

2009 Lake Champlain Lakers U12 Basketball Team!! Went 4-0 our last tournament.........

Exhausting, Simply Exhausting.........

Suprise visit and Shi Shi (Sara's) Game

Does anyone remember this handsome face??


EDGAR HENRY and his family came to see us...........

Alek was very smitten with Edgar's little sister Hazel........Who we got to meet, she is so sweet.
Alek would not let anyone else hold her

He did let I-Yah get her hands on her...

Here are the boys getting to bond a bit, doing what boys do

Thanks guys for visiting us on your very short weekend here. We appreciate you taking the time to do that and it meant a lot to us. We look forward to seeing you guys in July........

Here is Shi Shi playing Softball

My kids hair just looked to cute

She is a great pitcher

Great Defense too

We had fun watching you Shi Shi....Great Game

I want to just say my AAU team went 3-1 this weekend at our home tournament and only lost the one game by 3, it was a great weekend for them and I am very proud of the way they all played.......

Today has been rough. I am still working some things out personally and Alek wanted to see his Da-Da today. All day!! With I-Yah (I-Yah has not started her summer job yet, so she had some Alek time today and again tomorrow) he said I hear Da-Da and with me He kept saying he wanted to go up in the sky to see Da-Da. When he let his balloon go I told him he was sending it to heaven to see Da-Da and now he thinks he can go up in the sky to see Da-Da..........

So that just explains how the afternoon went....This is just a sad situation

I went for a visit to Aunt Pam, Uncle John, Ryan, and Sara's house though and it lifted our spirits, well until Alek had a melt down. Which I wont get into, but he was very tired and I am pretty sure that had a lot to do with it. He gets very attached to things and when he has to leave them he just cannot handle it. I think it has something to do with losing Randy. The things he gets attached to are simple and weird like dog leashes or a swing of a swing set. He loves to drag things around. Anyway he becomes attached within like an hour and if you try and take it, he seriously breaks your heart. Its like taking away a blanket he has been attached to since birth. But I leave him at daycare and he says Buhbye and goes on his mary way after a quik game of Peek a boo in the window that I have all the children playing with me now, "Right Postwoman"???

Poor kiddo, mercy I hope he does not have attachment issues, those are so sad and difficult to deal with, just being in the mental health field I see it so much....Well enough of this

Tomorrow is a difficult day, keep me in your thoughts if you could and give me strength to attend the closing for me house.....

I had to refinance a couple months ago to take Randy's name off the home and also lower my interest rate............

It will be very hard seeing just my name on my home that is for sure...This was a place Randy and I created and its does not feel right to have it just mine..........Uhh,

Parc Sa Fari Pictures from June 17th "New Memories Day"

YUM YUM, Can you tell he is tired

They loved this....

Thanks Aimee, she grabbed my camera and got this wonderful picture. Looks a little but like how I use to be on the back of Randy's motorcycle.....Uhh those were the days.

Love this kid, snot and all!! Freakin Allergies, poor buddy

BIG BIG SLIDE..........I was at the top and Aimee was at the bottom, I obviously was the one WITHOUT the camera

This would be John Andrew making it clear to Alek that he was driving..........Sounds something like "Mise riving"

Loved this thing

So glad he loved this bouncy thing, because I got him the little tykes one for this b-day

I was so amazing that they rode on these, I felt way to far away from him.....Again John was the driver and Alek wanted to be in the WAY back seat.....Too funny

Here they both had a wheel...

Big Airplane

They were both so into what they could push, turn, steer, pull, flick, that they never even realized they were moving

This guy came by with this Falcon and he put it in the picture with the boys, who both look like they are going to crap their pants.........

They did however enjoy this metal deer

and this fake lion

My boy...........

Singing away, ROCKIN ROCKIN............

It was an amazing day, with amazing company. Nothing will replace the fact it was my wedding day the first time I exchanged vows with Randy and I knew we were going to do it again on 9/22, but it was so important and meaningful to me..........Those words, "In sickness and in health, in richer and for poorer, til death do us part...." Never knew how meaningful those words were, but remember them.............Gosh I miss Randy

It will be 24 weeks and we are almost at the 6th month without him, I cannot even fathom that.

I am sorry I have not blogged many words lately, but with the walk it has been busy. I also have some pretty important things going on in my life that I have to make some decisions about. I will share things as they happen or if they happen. I have to say that some of them are very exciting and others are bitter sweet, but for now I will continue to work through these situations with my supports and update everyone soon....

We also had some special visitors this weekend and we have some great pictures of Shi Shi (Sara) playing Softball...........we will post that tomorrow.

RIPRED...........Happy Father's Day Baby............Alek and I talked about you all day. He also wore his Da-Da shirt today as he calls it.........He loves you babe and I will make sure he knows how amazing of a Father you were to him for 18 months and how amazing of an Angel you will be to him for a lifetime.........Father's day has been difficult for us by far, but I also know that Ga had an especially rough day.......Keep him in your thoughts!!

I tried very hard to bring Alek to the grave sight today, but I could not do it. I had all intentions to go see the stone for the first time and bring him to where his father lies, but it just did not happen....Urgh one day it will and I will find comfort in it, for how it just makes my stomach turn and my throat tighten............

Article on Walk..Page 3

http://www.denpubs.com/Scribd.Item-3745.113116_North_Countryman.html

Thank God for these Two....

Our day was wonderful, I will have many more pictures.
Lets just say at 830am I was in a Major funk, not showered and not thinking I was going to make it through the day.........
Then my father showed up took my dogs to doggie day care for me and told me to get my A-S-S in the shower let me mind you John and Aimee were getting here at 845.....Alek was still sleeping.
Well, I made it and that is due to well my father, mother, and these two Godsends.........
It was a rough start, I literally felt like I got hit by a truck. I am sure it was just the whole idea. I mean really you are not suppose to spend your 2nd wedding anniversary, well you know what I am trying to say..........
I will have more pictures tomorrow, Maybe?? of our trip to Parc Safari and also of our sleep over with John and Aimee last Saturday night (the night before the walk, they stayed to help us out).
Tonight topped the night and day off with a visit from Ga and I-Yah at my parents house. Kayne, Shelley, and Keegan were also there for the visit. We all sat and chatted and planned for Alek's combined Birthday party. We are actually celebrating Kayne and Alek's party together. They will be 1 and 2 and were born 7/1 and 7/7, so we are having one big, very big bash.........
It was great having that time with Randy's parents and my parents, but it also reminded me of a lot of the times we would all get together for dinner and cards............Uhhh, dammit I miss him so much!!
Aunt Pam thanks for the phone call...
Regardless it was a day of "New Memories" in creating a "New Normal"...........Thanks John and Aimee, Ga, I-Yah, Mooee, and Dad....

With Tears in my eyes.........

Last year on this day I was enjoying this evening with my family. My Son (11 months) and my husband of 1 year.........This year I celebrate my 2 year anniversary without him.
Dammit I miss him, I miss my life, I miss having time together. Last year on this night we had been home from Duke for 10 days. My parents watched Alek and Randy and I went to Irises and enjoyed an amazing dinner together. I remember him picking on me for calling and checking in on Alek 10 times. Do remember he was gone since he was 6 months old and was just getting to know this very unfamiliar place with unfamiliar people.

2 years ago today I was marrying Randy in our home. It was Father's Day and it was so special. We later on September 22nd had our big wedding with family and Friends, but this day was so special to us...........

I want Alek to know how special these days were, so I made a packed with my way to great of a friend Aimee to help me create "New Memories" on these days. For example on March 17th we went to the bio dome, that was the day Randy and I met. Today June 17th we are going to Parc SaFari. She took all the very important days off and she will be creating new special memories that Alek and I can have every year on these days. Alek and I of course home that we can always share them with Aimee and John. Pray for our strength to have a good day.

Alek will always know these days and for him they will be holidays (days off from school if he wants). I want him to know the special man his father was and how from the first year we were without him physically we still honored everything about him.........

Happy Anniversary Baby.........2 years!!

Alek and I love you Infinity

Here is another step towards our "New Normal"........

What an amazing Day!!!

Sorry for No captions, but I think the pictures speak for themselves...Enjoy!!

NUMBERS COMING SOON!!

CHECK OUT OUR FIRST ARTICLE...
ALREADY POSTED ONLINE

http://www.perugazette.com/2009/06/14/300-turn-out-for-1st-annual-randy-duprey-scleroderma-walkrun/

Kate, a message from your family, friends and countless supporters…….

YOU DID IT!!! You accomplished your goal of the 1st Annual Scleroderma Walk/Run in memory of Randy. And what an accomplishment it was! Look at what your hard work and incredible determination has done and will do for the individuals living with this disease. We all knew you could do it! Your drive in making Randy’s mission happen is inspirational. We are all so proud of you, as we know Randy is too! He surely is SMILING down on us all today!

You were worried after you lost Randy that everyone would go back to their lives and leave you behind to find your “new normal” with Alek. It is our hope that this event and the preparation leading up to it, has shown you that you were not left behind. We know that we can not fill the void that Randy left in your life but we are all here for you and Alek whenever and wherever you need us. Just put out the call, text, e-mail, or blog post and we’ll all come running! Hopefully, knowing this provides you with some comfort. WE LOVE YOU!! And are looking forward to being a part of the 2nd Annual Scleroderma Walk/Run in memory of Randy Duprey.

PLEASE PRAY FOR NICE WEATHER ON SUNDAY.......